SARAH D SAYS

Lessons from Downtown Abbey

2012-01-20T16:00:00.000-08:00

I have started watching Downtown Abbey and I love it! Thereis so many interesting intrigues and plenty to learn from the old Britishtimes.

Lesson # 1

I find it interesting that people are categorized as athief, or a slut, or a homosexual.

Why do we do that? Why do we take things from people’s pastor present and make that their identity. I know that it is difficult sometimesto remember, but we are all children of God. Our identity is from Him whocreated us. We are His. Just like I am aDavis, I am part of God’s Kingdom.

The greatest challenge that we as human beings have is tolove one another. Because of labels likethe afore mentioned and others, we have murder, suicide, war, and other ways ofobjectifying each other.

No one is perfect. We all have issues and though we may beprivileged to have our issues hidden from others, there are many that don’thave that luxury. “Let he is without sincast the first stone.”

Let’s stop identifying people by what is wrong with them andstart identifying the way we identify ourselves. As sons and daughters of aKing.

I take it all back!

2012-01-20T15:30:00.000-08:00

Ok so I decided that I kind of liked my blogger account and frankly I'm too silly to use Word press. So here I am. I did however give my blog a little makeover....what do you think? Sometimes I think we look in the mirror and its ok to say to yourself, "You know, you don't look half bad!" :)

I will try to write a lot more. I miss it.

Hello blogging world! I'm back!

One Year Older and Wiser too!

2011-11-17T11:40:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday to me!

Thanks for all the love and wishes I received.

I am moving to a new and improved blog.

Follow me here!

http://sarahdsays.wordpress.com

New Life.

2011-08-13T12:12:00.000-07:00

Last night I got to see Isabel's brand new baby. Only a couple hours old.

He's such a peanut.

I am trying to get back into photography slowly...here's a couple great shots

of Clifton! Welcome home to the arms of those that love you.

Oh the places you'll go!

2011-07-13T16:49:00.000-07:00

I have seen fireworks now for 5 straight weeks and I couldn't be more thrilled!

Katy Perry knew what she was doing when she sang, "Baby You're a Firework!!!!"

I am working on my firework status....Currently I work for a financial advisor now and am seriously considering becoming one myself someday. Weird I know, coming from the non profit guru....but there it is!

I have not turned my back on rewarding life experiences however....I am still working on a Pornography Addiction Recovery Program and am excited to press on with it.

Mostly this summer, I'm reading and just having as much fun as possible b

etween books and work. Here are some pics of documented fun!

This is when Tiffany and I went to the Argentinian bakery and got way too many amazing little cookies and watched movies. It was a gorgeous sunset with the flag so I snapped a pic.

For Betsey's Bday we went to Vegas and I totally saw 50cent! He's the one sporting the Yankees Hat of course~

Then Tiffany had a day where she needed a little something special. So I totally surprised her and took her to this really posh restaurant....what are friends for right?!

We ate at this place called Silver. We had so much fun. This is us having drinks upstairs. Virgin of course!!

Then we have been blessed to make friends with this awesome guy in our complex. He's sort of going to our ward too. He's such a sweet heart. He just bought a boat and so we've been spending some time on Utah Lake...going boating has been so much fun! Such an adventure.

Then Aaron took us on his homemade Rig. So much fun! The Rig broke down but Aaron knew how to fix it...and it was a great day for it with lots of sun and just enough wind.

Then I had such a great weekend of seeing people that I haven't seen in a long time. Nikki, and Justin, and Camille! Camille is getting married. This is us at her bridal shower. Her dress is gorgeous!

I am so grateful for all the fun and great memories! Keep em comin!

Cuz happiness for me comes from being with the people I love doing the things I love.

This is life! According to me!

The Royal Wedding- Something Missing

2011-04-29T10:22:00.000-07:00

I will admit that I tuned in with a good majority of the world and watched the now Duke and Duchess of Cambridge get hitched. I too shed a tear when her dress was completely visible. I even got the chills with the fanfare's for the queen.

However, it brought to light some interesting things for me.

As beautiful and as perfect everything was for their wedding there was something missing.

People cared more about who was there and what people were wearing. There were wise councils given to the couple and then it all stopped for me.

It struck me like a dissonant chord how the Arch Bishop and Lord Bishop stated that they would be together til death do they part. It was like someone scratched a record! How can something so beautiful as a royal wedding only continue in union until death. How completely un romantic.

I am so grateful to know that marriage, when done with the proper authority, can be bound on Earth and in Heaven in Temple's of God. It is there where I will be married not til Death do us part....but for time and all of Eternity.

Yoga brings me into Balance

2011-04-07T21:33:00.001-07:00

Last week at Yoga I left feeling so out of balance.

There was a lot of struggling in my session and I realized it was because I was concerned with a lot of things.

This week the weight was even heavier but as I focused on my "Mantra" for the week.

Families Can Be Together Forever

I had such a different experience. I was grounded.

I was able to lift off and do more of the poses.

And when meditating on the Mantra and asking questions...I was brought to tears.

I know that Families can be together forever. I also know that it takes hard work and balance and desire and sometimes its a struggle.

I am so grateful for the Plan of Happiness and hope that this new Mantra in my life will continue to keep me grounded and my life in balance.

Because with out my family, the one I have now and then one I want in the future, there is no life as I see it.

Finally Did it!

2011-03-27T16:39:00.000-07:00

For a long time I have watched as friends in the provo area have posted pictures of attending something called the Festival of Colors. When I was in Hawaii I thought it strange that all my friends had newly posted pictures of them with different bright colors all over their faces...I wanted to go someday. Then I moved to Utah and it seemed that the Festival was always during something or too far or whatever. Well.....

This year. I made up my mind. I was going to go. And I'm so glad I did. It was an interesting experience something that if I was in college I would be de

constructing and writing a paper on....but I'll spare you.

Instead enjoy a couple of my favorite pictures.

During the "throwings" everyone throws their colored powders in the air. The powders are perfumed so it smells amazing and though you don't want to inhale all around its impossible to not enjoy the pleasant aroma. However it doesn't taste very good...so I quickly learned to not smile as much....ha ha ha

We had a good time. We danced, we ate Indian food, and we screamed Hare Krishna!

Small tribute to women

2011-03-20T22:20:00.000-07:00

This weekend I was able to spend so much time with different women.

It made me grateful for the relationships we have as women.

Women are so great at being examples of goodness, strength, and dignity.

I spent time with women this weekend that truly know themselves and their place is God's plan and even though it may not be what they thought, are living life with hope and faith.

As women we can struggle with different things but we are able to listen to others struggling and gain something from it. We can be in different place in our lives but a hug, a shoulder, and an ear, are ageless.

We can all want different things out of life but we share a common desire in wanting.

I am so grateful to be a member of the world's largest and longest running women's organization that both facilitates and celebrates charity. I am grateful to be a woman and I am grateful to know so many amazing women. So many women have inspired me and shaped me and helped me to make decisions and ultimately allowed me to be who I am today.

God bless women!

LDS Linkup

2011-03-06T21:45:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I did it.

I joined an LDS dating website.

judge me not lest ye be judged.

So a couple funny observations about the whole social experiment...

Every guy describes them self with an athletic build.

LOL

What are they going to say.....I'm scrawny but I swear I go to the gym!

I don't care if they are athletic, I just wanna know I'm going to break them sitting on their lap or leaning on their chest. I mean I go to the gym a lot now too but I'm not quite to an athletic build yet.

The other thing is that most people are just as lazy on dating websites as they are in real life dating. There is something called a quick note. People can send you thoughtless quick notes like corny pick up lines or nice profile pic! Crap like that. Why any girl would respond to one of those is beyond me...

Last observation for today is the amount of young divorcees there are floating around. So sad.

So the good news is I am writing someone from the site. He emailed me asking about BYUH and we have been writing for a week now. He's in med school in Kansas City and sounds like a really great guy. He's all about moving slow and being friends first and thats great. So we'll see. We have a lot in common and I'm hoping something might work out....but I'm keeping my options open and not getting my hopes up.

I have met this one guy on there.

Be a Miracle!

2011-02-24T23:24:00.001-08:00

It's no secret that there are many children born with disabilities, or diagnosed with cancer and other harmful diseases. These experiences are difficult circumstances for the whole family, especially if they don't know where their child should be treated.

"Out of Difficulties Grow Miracles"-Jean de La Bruyère

Don't believe it? Ask our patients.

We have made it possible for 170 children's hospitals all over the nation to get the money they need to have the provisions and tools necessary to help children who need more than just a hospital. Parents come to CMN Hospitals because they want a great facility and a family of doctors they know they can trust with what they hold most precious in their life. Their own miracles, their children.

I don't have children yet, but some day I will and I hope that if I have to go through a difficult time with one of my own babies, that there will be a CMN hospital around the corner.

There are so many ways to get involved. This year, be a miracle in a special families life by giving their children the ability to have the treatments they need in places they can gain the most hope of recovery. Participate in CMN fundraising events whether it be a Dance Marathon

IHOP National Pancake Day

DQ Miracle Treat Day

Or just donating online.

Check our website for more information on upcoming Fundraising events.

We are so excited to hear about what you are doing to be a miracle in these children's lives.

How are you going to help us this year?

Tumblr

2011-02-19T15:33:00.000-08:00

So just fyi I've started a tumblr account.

This is it. Nothing amazing yet...but i'm working on it.

http://sdelizabeth.tumblr.com/

1st Annual "Get Some" Valentine's Day Soiree

2011-02-11T23:53:00.000-08:00

I was definitely over dressed....should have stuck to jeans but the invitation said semi formal.

So I looked hott. (Fishnets, Black boots, red dress.)

Oh well.

Took a shuttle (the back of a pick up truck) to a garage where this party was.

But when I got there..... I would be lying if I said it any other way.

All of these guys were dancing dirty with each other. Not with girls...with other guys.

Yeah.... I know.

So I thought for sure when more people came maybe this would change....

But nothing changed.

The best part of the night was when everyone was dancing and singing to the words, "You girl You got what I need....but you say he's just a friend." IRONIC!!!

I just found it so funny that in a room full to the brim of sexually charged 19 or 20 somethings, there was no chemistry between sexes. Sure, there was the couples that came together and danced together but the majority of the single guys there, were dancing on the poles in their garage and on one another. SO AWKWARD>

Dear LDS boys ....I'm sure being sexually deprived is rough but the fastest way to "get some" is to take interest in women. Just say'n.

Hymn #270

2011-01-09T12:56:00.001-08:00

It may not be on the mountain height
Or over the stormy sea,
It may not be at the battle’s front
My Lord will have need of me.
But if, by a still, small voice he calls
To paths that I do not know,
I’ll answer, dear Lord, with my hand in thine:
I’ll go where you want me to go.

Perhaps today there are loving words
Which Jesus would have me speak;
There may be now in the paths of sin
Some wand’rer whom I should seek.
O Savior, if thou wilt be my guide,
Tho dark and rugged the way,
My voice shall echo the message sweet:
I’ll say what you want me to say.

There’s surely somewhere a lowly place
In earth’s harvest fields so wide
Where I may labor through life’s short day
For Jesus, the Crucified.
So trusting my all to thy tender care,
And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I’ll be what you want me to be.

Perhaps I spend way too much time thinking about my mountains high instead of worrying about the lowly place where I've been asked to labor. I realize now that I am holding myself back with in gratitude and a lack of sensitivity to those I could be serving but instead dream of my mansions on high that surely I deserve now. Oh how I love the hymns. How humbling.

I am definitely on paths that I do not know. But I know the Lord called me here for a reason. So instead of figuring out every way to get out of where I've been called, I should probably spend more time figuring out how I can buckle down and get to work.

So... trusting my all to thy tender care,

And knowing thou lovest me,
I’ll do thy will with a heart sincere:
I’ll be what you want me to be.

A valid point

2011-01-03T19:00:00.000-08:00

“Historically, the drifting away from the course of life

marked out by the Lord has occurred as individuals

begin to make compromises with the Lord’s standard.

This is particularly true when the transgression is

willful and no repentance occurs. Remember Mormon’s

description of those who turned away from the true

path in his day. They did not sin in ignorance. They

willfully rebelled against God. It did not occur as a

universal movement. It began as individual members

of the Church knowingly began to make compromises

with the Lord’s standard. They sought justification for

their diversions in the knowledge that others were

compromising as well. Those who willfully sin soon

seek to establish a standard of their own with which

they can feel more comfortable and which justifies

their misconduct. They also seek the association of

those who are willing to drift with them along this path

of self-delusion.

“As the number of drifting individuals increases,

their influence becomes more powerful. It might

be described as the ‘great and spacious building

syndrome.’ The drifting is the more dangerous when

its adherents continue to overtly identify with and

participate with the group that conforms to the

Lord’s way. Values and standards that were once

clear become clouded and uncertain. The norm of

behavior begins to reflect this beclouding of true

principles. Conduct that would once have caused

revulsion and alarm now becomes somewhat

commonplace” (“Likening the Scriptures unto Us,” in

Monte S. Nyman and Charles D. Tate Jr., eds., Alma,

the Testimony of the Word [1992], 8).

I definitely need to take a look at the standards I'm justifying and step up to the Lord's.

My theory on Facebook

2011-01-02T22:15:00.000-08:00

This picture in no way reflects my feelings but is representation of popular belief.
So here is my thoughts on Facebook. What you are about to read is a thought process, and may not flow very well...but hopefully will provoke thought.

I predict we will see a dramatic decrease in the amount of people on Facebook. There are already groups of up to a thousand people who have joined or liked deleting facebook groups. Here is why. Facebook used to be a way to connect with people and share pictures and inside jokes and a place where relationships were enhanced....some where along the way Facebook got trigger happy and made it a place where people displayed who they are. And some how we realized....we really don't care.

Status updates and pictures and chats and likes and dislikes and groups and groups for groups and pages for tvshows and products become a world of spam that we decided we didn't want anymore.

So now people are slowly showing their disdain of their addiction to the sick "car wreck" must see way of life and "taking control" of their lives and deleting their facebook.

They believe they will reform society by using email, skype and blogging and connecting with humanity again.

I couldn't agree more......except for this.

I believe that Facebook is a medium to express yourself, your beliefs, your opinions, and your needs, to a broad spectrum of people all over the world and that it can still be used for that despite all the garbage on there.

I find that Facebook sends me news and videos and inspirational quotes that I'm able to share with my 800 friends and that it does a lot of good. I have found things that have inspired me through social media, I have kept in touch with friends in other parts of the world through social media, and I have had very successful parties because of social media where I have added more friends because of the real life connections I made.

So...my theory is that there is still some good to Facebook, but if they're smart they will reform the site so people connect and stop disconnecting because of the spam like nature of it.

Any thoughts?

Come Let Us Anew~

2011-01-02T22:02:00.000-08:00

Ok so obviously its the new year...and last year was to say the least a roller coaster.

And I had high hopes for last year...but there is something in the air this new year.

A new desire with in me to improve and make this the best year yet!

I haven't made any grand goals that I won't be able to accomplish...but I have directions and ideas for how to use my strengths and I'm grasping tightly to inspirations and opportunities. This year is a weeding out....

A time to cut ties with those who are bringing me down and build bridges with people I know I can build up. A time to be found instead of finding. A time to create.

A time to recognize that I'm in control of a lot more than I give myself credit and doing something about it.

A time to pray more fervently for those who have lost their footing on the path, and a time for seizing the day less cautiously...and having more faith.

This image to my right is to remind me to enjoy life, and be flirty and fun.

I'm going to get back to blogging...and discuss things that I think about.

I'm going to grab the reins of my life and start figuring out where I want to go.

Frankly, I'm excited for this new year.....not because I think that I'm magically going to be a better person but because for some reason I am motivated to get going! The clock is ticking and there's work to be done.

Watch out 2011....It's going to be big.

2010-11-28T17:00:00.000-08:00

Happy Thanksgiving!

This year instead of going to another families' Thanksgiving celebration I decided to have my own. My roommate Lisa and I did it together and it was a success!

This is Lisa and I, the producers of said event.

We had so much fun being grown ups and putting together table settings and a meal plan.

This is what our Table looked like: We had purple plates, red napkins, gold chargers and an orange table cloth with a subtle gold and red weave in it...Its hard to tell in this picture uploaded from my phone...but it looked smashing! (The white dish is what we put the Turkey on.)

We had a great group of people and had a lot of good food. The hit of the event was Lisa's Turkey (Which we named Sal) and my (ehem...Chelsea Clinton's) Sweet Potatoes. mmmm.

After yummy food and interesting table conversation, we enjoyed a nap and then went to see MegaMind. (super funny and cute.) And then ate pie and went to bed.

It was glorious!

This year I am so grateful for so many things but I've been working on how I show that gratitude instead of just saying I'm grateful. It's made a huge difference in my day to day choices and I'm really pleased with the difference. What did you do to make this Thanksgiving special?

My latest ritual

2010-10-19T17:02:00.000-07:00

So after a long day on my feet at Zupas,

I like to come home and relax and check in on the latest celebrity appearance on

Sesamestreet.org. Today it was feist counting to four.

I used to want to be cool enough to be on Oprah.

But now, I just want to be famous enough for Sesame Street.

Do you ever?

2010-09-24T21:51:00.000-07:00

Do you ever have times where you see other people's lives and wish that you could be living them?

Do you ever sit in a corner by yourself watching a couple be the way you want to be?

Do you ever get embarrassed with how you are turning out in a completely different way than you thought?

Do you ever cry in the car because you realize what you really want in life?

Do you ever get emotional when a song seems to say everything your heart can't?

I do.

The 4th Watch

2010-09-06T16:18:00.001-07:00

Sister Lemperle my Institute teacher in Centerville, gave me this talk by Michael Wilcox called the 4th Watch and Karl and I listened to it together....it was really great.

The idea was that our God is a 4th watch God and sometimes we feel that we're on the 27th watch....but really we just haven't made it to the 4th yet. Great talk.

And its true.

Before I moved to Orem I felt like I needed to work for Zupas. I thought that it was an odd impression but I didn't question. I applied to about 10-15 places in Orem and Provo area. None but Zupas responded. Now...my interview with Zupas didn't go as well I'd hoped and I was sort of upset about it.

I started getting really scared because my unemployment goes up at the end of this month and nothing was looking very promising.

Well this morning I got the call from Zupas and it will work out perfectly that I will be paid to train for 3 weeks and then right as my unemployment goes up....I will work for them full time.

AMAZING!!!

God is still a God of Miracles but often times we must wait until the 4th watch for Him to come and rescue us. Some may call this coincidence....I call it the Hand of the Lord.

But such is life according to me!

1st day in Orem

2010-09-01T21:45:00.000-07:00

So I moved to Orem.

This is me in my new apt! Haven't really left it yet....I hate the feeling of not knowing where anything is...

But today was great!!!

Mark came and helped me unpack my car which I greatly appreciate. I love that guy!

And then I unpacked and and tried to make sense of my room and then took a nap.

Unpacking and applying for jobs is EXHAUSTING!!!

Then Robert came over and dropped off the rest of my stuff.

After Facebook stalking my new ward I went to Institute where I was reminded of a couple things.

1. God is in the details of our lives and specifically mine.

and 2. that I am so grateful to be a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints.

I forget sometimes that there was a time when the fullness of truth wasn't on the Earth. I don't know what it would be like to be searching for something that hadn't yet been restored.

After institute I got roped into playing volleyball. (I wish I was better at that sport...I do enjoy it.)

Overall 1st day in Orem was a success. And this is life in Happy Valley according to me. :)

Awesome Family Shoot Mon Night

2010-08-04T12:33:00.000-07:00

I'm slowly getting back into photography....On Mon night I took some pictures of Isabels sister's family. So beautiful!!! Here are my favorite shots! What do you think?

FIRED>>>

2010-08-02T13:02:00.000-07:00

Well for the first time in my life I was fired.

I'm fine.

It was the final straw that lead to the decision to move back to CT.

Everything just started dropping around me...and it just makes sense to come back.

So I think I'll be leaving on the 24th.

Hopefully a couple friends will be coming with me and that will be so great!

This time instead of kicking and screaming I'm perfectly content with moving on.

Who knows what the future holds...but my immediate future will be filled with packing (again)

and lots and lots of driving. :)

So stay tuned for life according to me.

Lessons learned from Pizza Factory

2010-07-22T17:07:00.000-07:00

Don't look reactive...look proactive!

Standing around doesn't help the energy of the restaurant. Always be doing something...cleaning, pre bussing, helping other servers, ect.

Ice-cream milk and Alfredo don't mix!

One of the cooks used ice-cream milk instead of regular kind in the alfredo and I had to redo an entire order for a family of 9 that loved alfredo. Sad day~

Don't assume, always ask!

Always double check on orders to make sure they are done right the first time.

Compassionate

2010-07-16T13:27:00.000-07:00

sympathetic conciousness of others' distress together with a desire to alleviate it.

Progress....

2010-07-08T12:04:00.001-07:00

So on Monday I found out that my Unemployment was going up and so my already consistent job search turned into a search in hyperdrive.

As a result of hard work and humility, I now have a job at the Pizza Factory as a server. No, its not exactly the career path I was on....but times are hard and so while I'm looking for something in the non profit field I will be waiting tables and networking. :)

Here's a coupon!

I'll be in the Bountiful restaurant...It's brand new! First time I'll have ever worked with food...I'm a little nervous...but it will be an adventure!

"Welcome to Pizza Factory, My name is Sarah and I'll be your server tonight!"

(Hope you're a good tipper!)

Rest In Peace Milton

2010-07-02T17:04:00.000-07:00

Today I have shed a lot of tears for this cat. His full name is Milton Nascimento Pele Davis.

He was named after an amazing soccer player because of his love of the game...he was always found batting tea candles or rocknbok balls around the house. He like me, was a Davis who loved games. He loved boxing my mom and playing attack. He loved chasing lasers and was always more consistent with gifting than I was....(granted he gave dead mice)

Milton was always sitting on the table at breakfast. We all would feed him. I would share my milk with him and when I was younger we should share other treats. Jello with coolwhip, and yogurts.

At first he kind of freeked me out...and I would tell him if he came into my room I would make a purse out of him. Then one summer everyone left for Seattle but me. I stayed because I had a job. Those two weeks Milton and I had a different relationship. We became close.

After that I was happy to have him around, not always in my room....but we had an understanding.

I am really sad that my family in CT has had to say goodbye. I think it has been harder for him to go knowing how much Mom and Dad and Andrew and Emily are going to miss him. They have been there his whole life. I haven't. Its been sad hearing everyone's responses to his passing.

But we all hope that there is a life after for cats too. We look forward to the time that we'll see him again. It may sound crass but I guess I'd never have understood the love one can have for an animal until his passing. I do love him and await our greeting again.

Til we meet again Milton.

Gossip: a rumor or report of an intimate nature

2010-06-22T10:00:00.000-07:00

Gossip has literally plagued society for centuries. There is something so very fun, about knowing something about someone else and even more fun being the owner of the juicy details.

However while, I have never considered myself a gossip, I do tend to be in the know because of my care and concern for others. I do find a guy and girl talking close, terribly exciting, but not to share just to enjoy for their sake. And yes I am guilty of going up to one of those people and pointing out that I saw their close proximity, but I am not one to tell my assumptions to others-- just my observations.

Anyway, recently I have been the subject of gossip and I tell you, its not fun. I will be much more careful with people's private lives because of this experience.

I have been bombarded by opinions and trivial statements and tactless folks who do not care about me--just the juice.

I would like to say however, that I am so grateful for true friends who though, in the know, respond as if ignorant. Thank you, to those of you who have turned a blind eye to the temptation to further dive into trespassed territory. I know who you are.

So moral of the story is don't tell me about my life as a spectator! (And I will take my own advice.) If you would like to be in the know, than be a true friend.

I know the difference! (And I know others do too!)

Life is great despite my challenges, I am so happy and learning and growing everyday!

I'm excited to wake up every morning for one more day, and such is life according to me.

Back to UT back to life.

2010-06-14T07:20:00.000-07:00

(my beautiful mother, I wish I'd taken this but Andrew the other photographer in the fam took it.)
(Dad at the annual Memorial Day parade)

(the sibs supporting Andrew at this Senior Recognition night)

Well today is my last full day in CT and its been great!

I'm happy to have made more great memories with my family.

Mom- Thanks for playing rockband with me and always making sure I'm having fun. Thanks for the yummy homemade meals and the chats about everything. I know that you have my best interest at heart and that your love is full of understanding.

Dad- Thanks for the advice, for playing Boom Blox (even though I whooped you! ) and eventually giving in so I could play Mao. Thanks for being the comic relief in my life and encouraging my faith in the future. And thanks for always for being worthy to give me a Father's blessing when I need it.

Andrew- Thanks for not being mad that I'm missing your graduation. I love you kid and I'm glad I could be at your seminary graduation and see Dad cry a couple times. I'm proud of you and all your amazing talents. I know that you have an incredible future ahead of you. Keep me in it k?

Emily- Thanks for cuddling and watching movies with me. I'm happy that you will feel beautiful in your new dress for graduation. You are such a beautiful person inside and out. Let's always remember dear...boys are stupid. throw rocks at them.

Milton- I'm glad I could give you ham every once in a while and I hope that you are able to stay alive for longer. I love that when you want something from me you head butt me...its cute. I'm sorry I took your room but you can have it back now. :) Take care.

Well vacation has been great! But now its time to get back to Utah and back to my life. I have to figure out what the next chapter of my life is going to include. I'm still unemployed and will be focusing solely on getting to the spot where the Lord wants me. Its been fun but now its time for some serious soul searching!

And such is life....according to me.

I am grateful for....

2010-06-11T21:45:00.001-07:00

Today I have cried many tears....

Chick flick tears, tears of feeling the spirit, frustrated and angry tears,

selfish tears, and disgusted tears....

So I thought it would be appropriate to list somethings that I am grateful for to make the tears go away but as I thought about what I'm grateful for....it brought grateful tears.

However heres a couple major things.

I am grateful for music. When I am angry, excited, nervous, yearning, or lonely, music just seems to fuel what ever flame I need. I love how I am effected by it and it intensifies my emotions.

I am grateful for my mother. She is my best friend and this trip home has proven her worth. She understands me when others don't. This whole trip she has made sure my needs were met physically, socially, and emotionally. She is amazing and so fun to be around. I'm happy when she's happy. And I believe she's happy when I'm happy.

I am grateful for friends near and far. It is such an amazing feeling to feel loved and missed. I love getting notes and phone calls and texts from people that care enough about me to tell me they love and miss me. And I miss them!

I am grateful for family. Someday I can't wait to have my own....but for now it is so nice to come home to something. A group of imperfect people who are striving to build together perfection. There is something so amazing about family that keeps me humble and happy. There is so much history and culture and tradition and humor and talent. Its inspiring.

I am grateful for charity. Charity given and received uplifts and edifies, humbles and strengthens and gives me clarity of heart.

I am grateful for so many things but these are the things closest to my heart right now. I think it almost therapeutic to feel gratitude. It centers you in a place of happiness and contentment.

so have an attitude of gratitude because it will make for a better life according to me. :)

So tell me....what are you grateful for?

Happy Memorial Day... but different

2010-05-30T20:24:00.000-07:00

this picture was taken from the Pioneer Woman Blog. She has collected all sorts of amazing pictures in a group called Coming Home. I loved them.

For some reason my this year my heart is more tender....regarding the soldiers of the past, present, and future.

I have not changed my stance on my desire for soldiers to someday not have to fight....

but I think because of an increase in the people I know being either apart of the military or having loved ones serving....memorial day just brings a tear to my eye.

In several hours I will celebrate it the same way I do every year I'm in Darien. I'll wake up early and go watch the parade where we'll see the same floats and organizations marching with different people of course. We'll listen to the bagpipers and hope that the kids will be allowed to throw candy again this year. We'll wave our little 50cent flags and clap for the veterans.

Then we'll bbq it up! This year with spare ribs and potato salad followed by star shaped rice krispy treats. Probably play some games and enjoy time together as a family. But this time instead of the surface level appreciation for my own family members who served long ago and the other people who have since gone...I will hold in my eyes tears for those who I know, prayers in my heart for those who want to serve, and hope in my mind for a brighter future of peace.

So happy Memorial day....a time to celebrate the loved ones of our own, or others who are far away from their families and miss them dearly. A time to celebrate those who paved the way for us to have a free country by defending faith and liberty and democracy. A time to pray that wars will cease that our soldiers may come home and that our future children won't have to fight.

But if they do...let it be for truth and righteousness.

Here is to loved ones, past present and future. Happy Memorial Day.

Yay! For being home....

2010-05-30T11:55:00.000-07:00

"You have gorgeous eyes you know that?"

"Anna says your beautiful."

"Julia told me she thought you were so pretty and nice!"

"Sarah has a beautiful voice...did you know that?"

"It must be so great to have your beautiful daughter home, huh Jim."

"You just always look so cute~ "

"Thanks Sarah, that really helped. "

"Let your sister Sarah help you she's better at this."

Well folks....I hate to say it....but its nice to be home.

My Artistic Side...yep still got it.

2010-05-01T15:38:00.000-07:00

Since unemployment I have picked up some fun alternatives. Granted nothing making me money yet, but its keeping my happy and sane. :)

I've started Water-coloring....here is a look at some of my work.

(because I took these with my web cam they're all backwards....but you get the idea. )

This was my first one....a boat I took a picture of during my trip back to CT.
This was my second attempt...Be Still ....its Jesus calming the Tempest...but its not great...I think I'll try it again. This one is the reflection of a little girl and a couple umbrellas in the rain. And this one actually isn't finished yet, but its my first attempt at faces. A scary thing if you ask me. But I sort of like it. Like I said....a work in progress.

I have also kept performing with Scott McGettigan. He is an amazing guitarist and we are planning to professionally record with his uncle once we have a solid line up.

Scott and I are still working on my poem about Just Being Friends...we're turning it into a song! I'm soooo excited.

Video soon to come. :)

Actually written last Mon...but still applies. :)

2010-04-30T23:42:00.000-07:00

Today was an amazing start to an amazing summer.

After Preschool I came home and water-colored outside.

Not only did I make beautiful pictures, but I worked on my tan too!

After having a RS meeting featuring water-color techniques, Is and I went out and invested in some paints and paper and brushes.

Today was the first time we tested them out and we were both really happy.

Today I painted a picture of the Savior calming the tempestuous seas for Jonathan Todd, and then a reflection of a little girl with an umbrella- Marie Urrie wants that one.

After painting a quick visit from my Home teacher, we went to Family Home Evening. Kenny taught a great lesson on Christ Like Attributes and then we played this silly game Kitch.

After FHE Jonathan Todd took Isabel, Amanda, Kenny and I on a joy ride in his Cobra Mustang convertible. Um….can I say blast?

We all had so much fun. First we went to the Farmington Pond and then we ended up the mountain to try to see the sunset….we missed the sunset but I got to see the Great Salt Lake!

When we got back, we headed over to Izzy’s VB team tournament. They won and we cheered and had a good time watching. I played with Logi so they could all enjoy the game. And then we met up with Aaron and Karl at Wendy’s.

We played finger twister, and tried to do magic and then went over to Kenny’s and played this awesome video game called Buzz. It’s a trivia game and its soooo fun!

So pretty much, we had an amazing day and night. I’m so glad for days like these.

Can’t wait for more….especially with JT. J And that’s life according to me.

Sometime's you think you have it hard....

2010-04-22T10:34:00.000-07:00

One of my favorite people in life is Anna Puzey.

Anna is on a mission and her sweetheart is Chad Hickey.

Chad just recently found out that he again is battling cancer and has asked for prayers and for money if at all possible.

Sometime's I think I have problems and I think about how I deal with those problems.

And then I have a reality check when I meet people like Chad.

To give you an understanding of Chad, this is what he said in his last blog post.

And in case you really are joining this battle for the first time there is something you must know. My name is Chad and I am a SURVIVOR. Depression has not stopped me. A broken back did not slow me down. A father leaving did not dishearten. 3 years of chemotherapy did not kill me. And the hundreds of thousands of dollars in bills has only left me begging the question. Is all you got? 3 years ago I stared this journey. Cancer has not knocked Once, it has not Knocked Twice, it has knocked Three times and in this I have this to say.
Cancer Know your place. Know that My God is great. Know that I will Win I will NEVER SURRENDER, and my body may wither it may be ravished, BUT MY SOUL WILL CONTINUE TO SHINE. My name is Chad Hickey I am the Son of a King. Have Heart and know :
C is STILL for Chad Not Cancer.

What a strong man. I met Chad in Hawaii when Anna was first interested in him, and I remember being impressed with him then. But as I have followed Anna's letters as she serves in Germany and have followed Chad's blog I have been inspired to lose sight of my own problems and focus on others again.

I am touched and when I have money to give they will be the first charity that receives my check. (Which will hopefully be soon.)

There are so many people in the world who have it harder than I do...and I take comfort in the fact that my existence is to lift the hands that hang down, and to be edified those that are stronger than I.

This is life according to me.

This is the only pic I have of them in HI. But they are both a lot cuter right now. :)

So remember a year ago?

2010-04-17T01:21:00.000-07:00

How is it that I am in the exact same place in life?

Excuse me for not being happy with the fact that I am

living with a family, manless, jobless, and currently discouraged.

I know that God is over all....but right now it seems easier to be mad about life.

I am not always upset but tonight I just felt so frustrated!

I am bored of my life.

I need something new. I'm not sure what....but I need a break from life.

New people, new problems, new solutions, I am sick of the same old.

Any ideas?

I'm drowning right now. Tomorrow maybe I'll be better...but tonight my tears

are flowing and my frustrations brewing.

Sad day.

RS exercise

2010-03-29T21:23:00.000-07:00

So on Sunday our teacher gave a great lesson on repentance.

As part of her lesson she asked us to write down some thoughts about how we feel when we have felt wrapped in God's arms.

I immediately thought of a list of abcs.

so here is what followed:

Assurance

Blessed

Confidence

Deliverance

Edified

Faithful

Grateful

Happy

Inspired

Justly dealt with

Known

Loved

Moved

Noticed

Opportunity

Pleased

Quiet

Reverent

Surety

Truth

Understood

Volume

Warmth

Xray Vision

Yes

Zion

The next question posed was, what in my life is keeping me from feeling these things?

spring in Utah

2010-03-26T17:36:00.000-07:00

Spring in Utah is filled with confused weather...

sunny times, snowy times, rainy times, and windy sunny times.

Right now I can totally relate to spring in Utah.

I have my sunny times, my snowy times, my rainy times, and my windy but sunny times.

Still in between things like houses, jobs, men, and even friends.

But just like spring here, I am able to be grateful for the flowers in my life and sleep in when its wintery.

Such is life according to me. :)

Bad Back...

2010-03-15T21:59:00.000-07:00

So since the car accident in Nov. I've been seeing a chiropractor.

I was so excited one day when I finally stopped having pain in my back.

But then...I spoke too soon. I was in my final treatment for the month when suddenly

my back went out again...this time worse than ever.

I have a hard time getting out of a sitting position and I actually have moments where I can't walk.

It has been terrible. But I've tried to not let it get me down. Unfortunately I think I'm making it worse....playing volleyball, going to the gym, throwing parties, and trying to be a preschool teacher has made it nearly impossible to sit or walk and I cry a lot out of pain.

But today I went to the chiropractor again and got some muscle relaxants (the 3 IBprofen weren't cutting it)

I went and watched the Frog Princess and was a lot better but still not great.

I'm hoping I can get to normalcy soon...walking like a cripple is getting old.

I definitely have more patience for old people that walk slow and people who are in a lot of pain....its rough.

But for now thats just life according to me.

Here's to happiness

2010-03-07T14:45:00.001-08:00

It amazes me how the Lord can absolutely hand craft a day so perfect for you its like a gift.

Today in testimony meeting I bore testimony that it is possible to be happy amidst trials and afflictions in your life that my key to success was service, wholesome music, and gratitude with Humility.

Today was filled with the Spirit of Love and Peace and all things that I needed.

God is love. And when we need to feel Him the most it is often just in the love we feel from other people that allow us to remember who we are what are purpose on Earth really is.

Some may think that being out of a job and having so much uncertainty would be depressing, but I have found that it gives me much more room to be of service to people.

I have ample time to uplift other people's burdens and because I have the time to do that I have less time to worry about my own. Sure there are quiet moments of darkness and fear, but they are quickly ushered out of my heart when I pray and am reminded that I am doing what the Lord wants of me right now and that I need to "Be still and know" that He is God.

I know that life can be so difficult sometimes but I also know that God is the only conductor I would have orchestrating my life and I am grateful that He can see all the pieces and where they need to go.

But I am even more grateful that this go around....I can be happy and recognize with gratitude all the blessings the Lord gives me daily.

God always knows what we need to survive.

2010-03-05T11:57:00.000-08:00

I have found that in my darkest of moments the Lord always allows people to come into my life that will help me through doubt, fear, distress, loneliness, and depressing times. Thank you for knowing who will have the greatest effect on my life and placing them ever so gently in the right place at the right time. And thanks to those magical people, those angels in my life who help life to be worth living. Here are some of my Utah angels.

Can you find love anywhere?

2010-02-12T21:35:00.000-08:00

Ok, so I was at Wells Fargo and the teller and I totally hit it off!

And guess what! He's not married!

I know, right?!

He's really attractive and totally invited me to come visit him at work tomorrow...

and I think I might.

I mean who knows right?!

I'm pretty sure his name is David. Well thats what the sign said...and it looks like he speaks spanish.

He told me to come in and grab a lollypop or something tomorrow.

Trying to contain the excitement.

I'll let you know how it goes tomorrow.

AHHHH this is life according to me.

Mosiah 24:12-16

2010-02-09T01:05:00.000-08:00

12 And Alma and his people did not raise their voices to the Lord their God, but did pour out their hearts to him; and he did know the thoughts of their hearts.

13 And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage.

14 And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and this will I do that ye may stand as witnesses for me hereafter, and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions.

15 And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord.

16 And it came to pass that so great was their faith and their patience that the voice of the Lord came unto them again, saying: Be of good comfort, for on the morrow I will deliver you out of bondage.

Met someone today....

2010-02-03T01:19:00.000-08:00

Well ok, so it was last night....technically.

Anyway, I met this really cute guy tonight, at... well...his birthday party.

Ok, so the first time we met was earlier at a Sushi place. He was impressed with my love for

and knowledge regarding Japanese food. I was impressed by his eyes which exuded a kindness about him.

Then at his birthday party he exclaimed that I was "Ballsy!" In front of everyone.

(We all went around the room and shared embarrassing stories and I shared my story about the married guy in Peiwei.)

So at the end of the night we decided we would follow each other's blogs.

So birthday boy...if you're reading this....it was fun meeting you and all your friends tonight and we should hang out again sometime. soon I hope. :)

And if you're not....than this is just more life according to me.

What a week!

2010-01-31T22:45:00.000-08:00

This week has been filled to the brim and its been great!

I've been able to amazingly enough keep myself pretty busy despite not having a job.

I took pictures at an EQ Basketball game, an Ice Skating activity, and of a family in the park.

I went out to dinner with the RS Presidency, and then to ice-cream. I gained confidence in my flirting abilities this week with several very attractive men and that was great. I watched all of my shows that I love, as well as some movies. I spent time with a variety of people not just the same old ones. I lifted several burdens of women and men and shared their loads. I put together a 72 hour kit and got my food storage. I even made it to the gym!

And the best part of this week was my time I listened to amazing talks and just pondered the many questions I have about my life right now.

I know what I need to do now, and I know where I should be spending my time, and I feel a lot of peace.

This new week is going to be great as well.

Life is great according to me.

Started getting into picture taking again...

2010-01-29T22:34:00.000-08:00

Just filed for unemployment

2010-01-29T22:21:00.000-08:00

While I am full of faith and hope,

I filed for unemployment tonight.

I have been dutifully looking for work and have plastered my resume all over, to no avail.

Unfortunately I felt like it was time to do what I could to keep money coming in.

I think wrongfully, that filing for unemployment was acknowledging some sort of defeat.

I guess its getting what I deserve for getting laid off.

But I am not excited about the process.

(You have to file weekly and I'm just not great at remembering to do stuff like this...but I guess if its going to pay the bills I'll have to be on top of it.)

Oh well....we'll see.

Not having a job sucks, but I know that there are so many people in the same boat as me.

While that doesn't make it easier, it does make it harder to complain.

So this is life during unemployment...according to me.

The Law of Witnesses

2010-01-25T17:08:00.000-08:00

So I have come to the conclusion after much laborious thought that relationships are tricky because of three things.

There are 3 things that each couple must have in order to survive. Both people need :

1. to be physically attracted to one another

2. to be emotionally connected to one another

and 3. to have a spiritual confirmation that their supposed to be together

The problem is that a lot of couples will have one or two of these in common and spend their time trying to convince the other person about one of them.

This is also why when all of these things are intact the relationship can move rather quickly because it doesn't feel wrong!

So thats what I'm waiting for....all three of these things in someone else and in me.

So that's life according to me.

Just Friends

2010-01-14T12:27:00.000-08:00

This is a new poem hopefully soon a song...that I wrote...tell me what you think...its still a work in progress.

The minutes turn to hours

My name is on your tongue

I’ve seen your deepest secrets

I know that you’re the one.

But you for some reason

Don’t seem to share

My heart racing forward

But you refuse the dare.

Because we’re “just friends”

You whisper head hung but I’m still in love.

My heart impatiently warring but

A messenger pigeon not a dove.

Why do boundaries such as these

Remain so hard to bare.

Shouldn’t I be treasured for

Being the one that cares?

My mind and yours in sync

Your smiles are etched in mine

Can’t you see the sparkle I see

When our faces are aligned.

Women that will never be

What your looking for

I’m the one that got away

That’s always at your door.

Because we’re “just friends”

You whisper head hung but I’m still in love.

My heart impatiently warring but

A messenger pigeon not a dove.

Why do boundaries such as these

Remain so hard to bare.

Shouldn’t I be treasured for

Being the one that cares?

But aren’t all meaningful

Relationships supposed to start

Like us…

Don’t people start to separate

from lack of friendship , lack of trust….

But no…. we’re “just friends”

You whisper head hung but I’m still in love.

My heart impatiently warring but

A messenger pigeon not a dove.

Why do boundaries such as these

Remain so hard to bare.

Shouldn’t I be treasured for

Being the only one that cares?

You’ve told me that you keep seeing

The hope behind my eyes

That you don’t get what I see in you

Why tears pour out when I cry

But maybe you are smarter than me

And someday I will get it

Perhaps there’s more to being friends

Because you’ll never end it.

Because we’re “just friends”

You whisper head hung but I’m still in love.

My heart finally gets it

A messenger pigeon not a dove.

But still the boundaries such as these

Remain so hard to bare.

But maybe I am treasured for

Being the one that cares.

New Year New Life!

2010-01-06T17:27:00.000-08:00

Well 2009 came and went and I'm ok with that. Its had its ups and downs and it's always great having a new year a time of renewing the person you really want to be and making resolutions to be more consistent in the things you know will benefit you.

I started and ended the year jobless with a 7 month interlude at Arbinger...and I'm hoping to start and end 2010 employed.

Its looking good with a positive interview with the American Bible Society and that could mean that I'm headed East but we'll see. I won't know for a couple weeks.

But I can't say that I'm not going to miss Utah if I do leave. I will. I have been blessed with people that really love me here but nothing is really progressing anywhere so I think it may be time to move on.

I want to stop chasing boys but allow them to chase me. :)

I haven't seen success doing things the way I have been so I think its time for a new strategy.

I am very happy with my life and have been blessed with so many amazing opportunities and fun memories.

I don't know what 2010 will bring but I'm ready for it!

So here's to life in 2010 according to me!

She's still got it! .....oh wait...

2009-12-12T15:00:00.000-08:00

So after saying goodbye to a relationship that was causing heartache, I have turned a new leaf and I am meeting lots of people and trying to be as outgoing as possible.
It has worked pretty well....sort of....

1. Peiwei guy

Peiwei guy came in right behind me and looked like he was also only ordering for one.
So after debating back and forth I decided to talk to him. I went over to his table and said, "Are you eating alone tonight?" to which he replied "yes" and then I said," Well I am too, do you mind if I....?" and he immediately responded with a "sure why not?" so I moved my drink and number to his table and we started talking.
I of course was coy and flirty and then it happened....he unfolded his arms so I could see something very important...yep! He was married. He then started telling me about his wife and I got to know the story of how they met and how their relatives companies work doing construction and aided in the building of the Polynesian cultural Center ect. Awesome!
I just had dinner with a married man.

2. Drunk Romanian Guy

So I was minding my own business....really, I wasn't even dancing, I was sitting in fact on a couch watching my friend with his friends dance and sing karaoke. This guy staggers over to me and sits on the couch next to me and tries to buy me a beer. Obviously I don't drink so I turned him down...and explained that I don't drink but that he could buy me a water or a dr. pepper.
He was not satisfied and said he wanted to buy us all drinks. I told him none of us drink which completely perplexed the poor sap.
So then when I went to watch Fred sing, he followed me and offered me his drink. When we came back to our seats he followed and did what is now termed a deathly fist bump with Fred.
He told me his name was Daniel and that he didn't understand Americans and their crappy music and then asked me if I was scared of him. I told him I wasn't sort of awkwardly and then he asked my name for the 15th time....then he wanted to dance with me and was super put out that I wouldn't. Finally he left me alone and hit on a much skinnier version of Macy Gray.

So you see....I still got it! Just with all the wrong guys. NEXT!!!

Thanksgiving is a time of Thinking about Thanks

2009-11-25T16:20:00.000-08:00

I am grateful for a lot of things.
I know that I don't have a job...but I'm grateful for the experience I had with Arbinger and especially the people that made working there so special.
I am so happy that I made so many great friends so quickly.
I am grateful for those people in my life who are so patient with my quirks but I'm even more grateful for the people who love me for my quirks.
I have greatly enjoyed living so close to my sister and I am grateful that are relationship is better than its ever been.
I'm grateful that Dad's company is growing and that he's seeing success.
I'm grateful to have two parents that despite their challenges are still alive, still in love, and still love me.
I am grateful for talented siblings who are doing what they can to excel in whatever they find worth excelling in. Such great blessings in our family.
I am filled with love and support all the time from people that care about me and want to see me succeed.
I am grateful for an endless supply of opportunities to serve and to grow and to meet new people and learn from them.
I am happy, healthy, and growing in beauty inside and out ever day.
I am grateful especially for the Atonement of Jesus Christ that enables changing the directions when our spiritual GPS gets distracted on a high traffic area.
I am grateful for modern technology that continues to blow my mind on the opportunities it affords us to connect and reconnect with those we care about and those we should.
Life is great despite the speed bumps. And I've always been blessed to meet the best people wherever I go.
This Thanksgiving resolve a conflict you have with someone because life is too short to hold grudges and/or withhold Charity.
This is the time to create memories that you'll want with you when you go....onto another chapter of life whether it be in a new state or a new dimension. This is life according to me. :)
Live Laugh Love and Laugh some more.

No success outside of marriage can compensate for not being married.

2009-10-03T22:23:00.000-07:00

So this was a quote that my dear friend Carrie said after I told her about the disaster of a mission reunion I had last night.
Mission Reunion = a bunch of people that don't care enough about each other to keep in touch but then are forced into small talk with each other over light refreshments all just to show off their fiance, spouse, or baby.

NO THANKS!!

So....seeing as I have none of those things the phrase was born. I may have a very impressive life outside of being married...but with out that I was a no body in a crowd of people who wanted to show off somebodies.

Meh, I digress.

General Conference is the best time of year. I'm so glad it happens it twice.
I gained so much from it. I love listening to the leaders of our church talk about things that will make us happier and better disciples.

I learned a lot of things I could work on to be better. And such is life according to me. :)

We pet the goats~

2009-09-19T16:13:00.000-07:00

Last night was the Utah State Fair!
We all got in free because of a friend of a friend and I'm so glad I went.
We started off petting the goats and sheep and the cows and this humangous steer!

Then we watched this cool hypnotist show. I wanted to volunteer but the guy didn't choose me...Lame.
But the guy was really funny.

Then we walked around for a while and then ended up at the giant slide like I used to ride in all the elementary school fairs.

Good Times.

Just Friends

2009-09-19T16:07:00.000-07:00

Remember how I used to hate the word friend (in a girl guy context?)
I mean....I'm always the friend. And for a long time I've resented it.
But I think maybe I'm growing up....or maybe its that for the first time in a long time, I've found
a friend that actually gives more than I do but in the same way I do.
I think I used to want to feel needed. But it is way better to be provided for than to be needed.
I don't know if this is complicated to understand...but I am always feeling shorted in relationships because their not what I want them to be or because I'm giving so much and the other person is not.
For once in my life, someone is giving me more than I am used to receiving and guess what?!
I LOVE IT!!!
I'm not going to say who this person is because its not important right now.
But just know that I am happy.
And being happy is a great feeling.

Live'n, Love'n, and Laugh'n

2009-08-01T16:27:00.000-07:00

I am having the time of my life!
Becky Fewster is my new bff. She is great and we have a ton of fun together.
We have had all sorts of fun adventures!
Lava Hot Springs, then a cruise and now we are going to be teaching Prashant the gospel.
Oh and ps. I'm moving in with her too.
Yeah life in the fast lane. LOVE it! Its so great having a girl best friend again.
We found out that we share the same mantra Live Love Laugh, and I think we are doing a great job living it.

Happy Father's Day!!

2009-06-21T21:58:00.001-07:00

This Father's Day I have been thinking about the blessing of having my father. I recognize that there are many who do not share this because of an emotional or physical separation. I am not able to aptly discuss the remorse that I feel for these people who are close to me. For I have seen their pains and sorrows because of that separation, and it has made me feel that much more ungrateful for the privilege of having my father. How often I take for granted the opportunities I have to share my testimony with him, to counsel with him about life, to cry to him when I'm hurt or frustrated, to ping him while he's at work to talk about my job, or if something's bothering me. I have recently witnessed many father's being taken from their families for one reason or another and what an awful trial to bear.

It is an interesting thing, my relationship between my father and me the daughter and while it is imperfect, I cherish the perfect moments more than he may ever know.

Man Strike!

2009-06-11T23:05:00.000-07:00

This is not a bitter move. This is not out of frustration.
This is just because I get it now. Finally.

I realize that it is my own feelings towards men that breaks my heart. Not them.
It is the idea that the more I try the more I fail and so if I don't try I won't fail and some day some one will try that I won't be opposed to.

Someday the timing will work out and the magic I call a relationship will occur.
I won't have to want them first because they will be striving to find me and win my heart.
So this Man Strike just means that I'm not going to try any more. I'm not going to put off what I want to do in hopes that the someone will come over one night. I'm not going to wait around for people I'm gonna do what I want to do when I want to do it and I'm going to be anxiously engaged in good.

I realize that I waste time crushing on guys that have no interest in me. A crush is just that....a one sided affection that goes no where because duh...it's one sided.

So NO MORE!!
Come find me!

There is beauty all around

2009-06-07T23:55:00.000-07:00

So today I worked on my room a little bit.

Elder Costa referenced Elder Schweizer's talk when he spoke of our homes and the walls there in.

They both taught us that our walls are an altar of teaching and that we must make our homes an inspiring place to live. What we put on our walls is very Important.

He spoke about the Temple as a standard for how are homes should be, feel, look, and sound.

So today when I got home I got to work decorating my room. Its not finished and I'm going to need to invest a little bit but I already feel better about my living space.

After being sooo spiritually uplifted all day, I went to a game night and was in rare form. Unfortunately the blond in my genes came out several times tonight and jokes were flying about my blunders. Friction and Velociraptors are just a few. (You had to be there. )

Anyway, now I'm moving into my routine this week. So hopefully everything will be great and happy.

smelling of smoke is part of life....

2009-06-07T00:54:00.000-07:00

So I'm pretty certain that weekends will now just officially start smelling of smoke. Its bonfire/campfire season in Utah and good times happen around a fire.
So smelling of smoke is inevitable.
I'm ok with it now.
So we had ward camp this weekend and it was really fun. I didn't sleep however because I was freezing and because we had a moaner in our cabin but thats ok because when I got home I slept outside on our grass and then moved to the love sac.
After a much needed nap Stake Conference the adult session was awesome. Then game night at our house the weekend ritual.
This week will be great. Monday I am going to go buy my membership at the req center. So I'll let you know how that goes.
And relationship drama is going to end because my new rule is I don't like anyone until they ask me out. Hard ? Yes. But its time for a heart transformation. So that's it. NO MORE CRUSHES!!!!
I'm 25 I think I can grow out of that. Right?! Its time for boys to be men! Man up! ASK ME OUT!

Bonfire bonding....the best kind.

2009-05-31T22:28:00.000-07:00

Ok, so this weekend we went to two bonfires and watched the movie "UP". It was great.
Up was a great movie but kind of a tear jerker! So worth watching though!
We bonfired it up this weekend.
I'm really starting to get to know my ward and guess what?!
Their pretty cool! Even the people that I thought might be kinda so so....
Yep, their hilarious.
I'm having a lot of fun and really feel like this is where I'm supposed to be.
I love my calling and feel have felt the spirit every single Sunday since I've been here.
Life is great!
This week is going to be sooo fun I have FHE, RS visits, Enrichment where we're going to make jewelry, then Chad's Karaoke Bday party, and then we have a ward campout this weekend. SO FUN!
Next week, I'm going to use my paycheck to get me a membership to the gym down the street!!!
So excited about that. Aerobics in the morning weights at night makes my abs and buns tight!!!!
So here's to a great week! Liven it up Utah style!

Happy Memorial Day!

2009-05-25T12:29:00.001-07:00

Lets hear it for the red white and blue!!

I'll be honest one thing that I need to work on is being more patriotic.

But I do have a love for Memorial Day. I miss being in Darien, CT watching the parade every year and going to Stamford Ward's Memorial Day picnics.

But as I get older I can appreciate the idea that there are men and women serving our country.

I also have friends who will be apart of that group. While that scares me, I appreciate their love and determination to serve.

However, I also look forward to the day when there will be no more wars and there will be no more tears shed for lost loved ones. That hopefully we will soon celebrate a day of peace instead of war, love instead of anger, and that we may all be apart of that move and path to peace is my prayer.

Peace is possible.

www.arbinger.com

My new utah Best Friend

2009-05-25T12:21:00.000-07:00

Meet Fred Lee.

Fred and I made a mutual decision to be friends and its been awesome!

No drama, just straight up fun!

He's a great guy who has an amazing voice and is an actor as well.

He is Hilarious with a capital H. We have such a blast.

And we are totally on the same wave length most of the time.

I am soo happy to have a guy best friend close again. And this time I'm not going to screw it up. : )

I Ain't Yo Mama!

2009-05-17T22:40:00.000-07:00

In the past when I was interested in someone it was my instinct to care for them in such a way that my life became composite to theirs. I would sacrifice time and effort to go out of my way to help them, support them, and be always available and at their beckon call, I loved them all unconditionally. However, I was rarely given in return what I wanted most from that connection, their affection.

25 years later, some very smart and attractive individual :) has the audacity to say to me "Sarah, quit being a Mom and play the game!"

Hm.

So after an entire life of playing mommy, I have to turn that off and only focus my energy on the guys that focus on me. My mom said to think of all men as irrelevant until they show any real solid interest towards me.

While this makes sense, it is hard for an independent go getter woman to wrap her head around the idea of having enough confidence to let a man that I actually want, come find me. (I know that's horrible.)
So any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Word on the Street....

2009-05-11T23:02:00.000-07:00

Well word on the street is that I am not depressed anymore and therefore I need a blog makeover!
So I hope that no one is offended by the drastic changes but I am happier and the cute pic on the left is me in Bountiful. It will change soon when I get another great pic of me but for now it will stay. Emily thinks its hilarious! And I tend to agree.

So yes, thank you for noticing.

I am happy. I have been called as the Education Counselor in the Relief Society Presidency.

I have a guy to focus some of my attention on and good news! He's noticing me too.

More to come later on that note.

But job, house, roommates, sister, and life are all quite happy.

I'm going to AZ to watch one of my closest friends from my mission get married and my favorite married couple from Hawaii party it up on account of the hubby graduating...so I'm pretty sure I'm going to have an amazing weekend.

One of many more to come.

Well life is finally starting to look beautiful again.

And that is where I have remembered to Live Love and Laugh....and Laugh some more.

Settling In

2009-04-29T19:07:00.001-07:00

Well,

Life could not be better.

My sister and I are besties and we have a great time together at least once a week.

We take turns doing dinner duty and hosting parties.

We crash at each other's flats and its just grand.

My roommates are fabulous and vivacious to boot!

Which I love because it means that we have people over pretty much nightly and by the weekends we're exhausted from the party lifestyle. But its great. I'm getting to know people here and finally getting settled.

I ended up getting that little beauty below. Yes I got that Silver Soul. And I love it!!

No name yet but hopefully after my upcoming trip to Arizona it will be properly broken in and I will be able to aptly name it.

Work is going well. I receive emails from people all over the world all day and into the night and early mornings.

But I'm more convinced everyday that this is my dream job and I love every second of it.

Life is great! No complaints!

Now its just getting into a regular spiritual physical workout schedule.

I'm starting to get the hang of life here in Utah. My office over looks the highway and when I first got there, there were bare bones trees that made a desperate attempt at covering the cars and trucks.

Now however I barely see the road as the trees have been blossoming and blooming green beautiful leaves have replaced the barren trees. It's somewhat symbolic I think. Which of course I love.

So basically I love my life.

You don't always get what you want!!!!

2009-04-18T23:58:00.000-07:00

Buying a car seemed like a simple idea....I did my research so I could be in and out.

the Kia Soul Plus with an audio upgrade was a dream. I drove it and really fell in love. It was great!!!

But then came the bidding...

My dad, untrusting of pretty much every aspect of a car dealership...gave me this advice.

Explain that you are co-signing so they do not flip out. Then be firm and understand the finance manager is the lowest form of animal life there is. They would sell their grandmothers.

They will lie, cheat, manipulate the truth and pressure you

They will try to get you to buy as much extra services because they know at 4% over invoice they have made about $100 on the car.

Be assertive and say I am here to talk about financing and nothing else. I am not interested in any ancillary products so dont waste your time or mine.

If he tries to lie and tell you that they are losing money on this deal you can simply say. Its a tough economy out there. Im sure the next lowest bidder would love to know you're not interested in closing this deal shall I call hjm now? (pointing to your BBerry)

they will often lie and say something like - you know the salesperson is basically losing their commision on this deal so we cannot go a penny less than...

So enter Dave.

Cute of course, single, and funny. Great combination to sell a car to this girl...oh and did I mention that we talked about a lot of different things besides cars and totally hit off?

Well I get to the bidding table and get really feeling good about things. Well, I tell Dave, oh sweet Dave, that I need to see the invoice price and that my dad will only co sign it if I go 5% above invoice. Well, that was dumb cuz 5% above invoice was more than what they were offering...but I told them I wouldn't budge on a certain number...They negotiated with me and were totally honest and nice guys.

They said I got the lowest on a Soul that they ever did sell...Everyone said that, in the office so I believe it.

Well financing became an issue with dumb rules and regulations...and 5 hours later still no car. So after praying about it, I felt like I should just go home with out the car and that everything would work out.

Hoping that Dave would take me and would be able to suppress my tears with his humor, I was disappointed at first when the old guy, Greg decided he would take me.

Sweet but not what I wanted I let a couple tears sting my eyes behind my juicy shades, and listened to the nice man who offered to drive me an hours drive back home to my roommates going away party that I couldn't make trifle for or decorate for cuz I was stuck in Provo.

Better luck next time. To be continued........

Day 8~ reality sets in...

2009-04-04T20:44:00.000-07:00

Wow! Its my last friday in HAWAII!!! Quick do something fun and cool!
Well I got emails from those two random girls from Utah. They want to be my roommates! So nice, they have told me they want to have me come live with them and that they will help me out with the drive to work and everything! These girls seem really sweet and slightly desperate...but I am too. So thats fine. So I told them I will move in. I feel good about it.
People have been really helpful. It absolutely amazing! God is so good to me.
Nate Williams commented on my tan which made me (shallow I know) happy.
And then I went to jam with Michael Alboroto in my old office. I love Aloha Center 171! Its like my second home. I have so many great memories with so many amazing people there. I'm going to miss this spot on campus most of all. Maybe I will do a special dedication to this room. Yep. Next week...
k so after that I went to help out with the BBQ. Ryan Martz and I made burgers for a couple hours. It was a lot of fun. Then I brought 2 plates to Jarom and Michael after they worked out. After trying to convince them to hang out with me, and not succeeding. I realized that I must have looked ridiculous, and left. I said as I left, " You know what? there are 2 girls that want to spend time with me in the Hales. So bye. " So we ate better than sex cake and drank dr. peppers and then decided to watch a movie. So I went with Lacey and Carrey to Val's house and we watched HouseBunny. A delightfully hilarious movie I had already seen..but they hadn't.
Then we went to bed and Conference was hours away!!!

Day 9~ Good times!

2009-04-04T20:24:00.000-07:00

I went to Castles! Its my favorite beach, and I'm really going to miss it. I got sand everywhere cuz its super windy!! And I ran to the car before I got drenched in the crazy random Hawaii rain. Then I met my good friend Chris for a goodbye lunch at Subway. We caught up and then ran into my other friend who I found out broke off his engagement. He's a way good guy and is coming to Provo for grad school so hopefully we'll be in touch.
Then I got cleaned up and went to the Judith Weikle concert. Um it was interesting, but I went to support my old job and of course Jarom. And then I went and helped Lacey make a mac salad for her Honors closing social. We had fun in the kitchen and then we watched a bunch of those Mormon Messages that are so great! I love how amazing the Church is when it comes to using technology to help dispel bad feelings and images about the church with greater experiences that help people to have a good taste in their mouth.

Day 10~ I'm no fool!

2009-04-04T20:03:00.000-07:00

Well Utah becomes more and more of a reality.
Two girls that I don't know but that know some of my friends added me on facebook.
The pearl on my blackberry has stopped recognizing going down which severely limits my capacity to do certain things on my phone. I called Cowdery, cuz he works at Dakine Wireless. He said he would look at it, so I brought it to him after trying his trick with the blow dryer that didn't work. While he was fixing my phone it rang and Cowdery answered it. When I pulled it away from him after I could here it was a guy and he was being silly, whoever it was said "this is Cowdery". Thinking it was his voicemail and he was yanking my chain, I hung up on the poor guy. Well I found out quickly oops! that was Jarom. So I called him back and he ended up meeting Lacey and I for lunch at Taco Bell. So that was fun.
Then I went to Borders and got a book for work. Groundswell, about viral marketing. I stayed there and read for a while. I also read this book called SkinnyBitch. It was interesting despite the constant horrible language that I would just skim past. I wouldn't necessarily reccomend it, but it did have some interesting philosophies on health. Then I went to an Honors potluck with Carrey and Lacey. Their so great to spend time with because they build me up not tear me down. It was for the film of the semester "Chariots of Fire". It was fun to be with smart people talking about things that in the long run really don't matter. And then I stayed with Carrey and Lacey for a while. They are always having uplifting conversation or talking me out of downing others. They're amazing women!

The count down begins!!!

2009-04-04T19:47:00.000-07:00

Day 11~ March 31
I woke up and got ready to play a role for Dr. Ford in his mediation finals. It seems that I have done more service since being in Hawaii and its been great for me. So after 2 hours of pretending to be someone in conflict and a strawberry frosted poptart, and running into a past crush with a smile, I hurried to an interview for a piece in the President's report here at BYUH. They are writing about my experience and the experience of the other 8 students who went to Israel. It was a great interview and as always I got a lot out of it too. Then I got this horrifying call from one of my married friends. They needed me to come watch their two young boys so they could take their baby girl to the hospital. I spent the rest of the day at the playground, playing cars, botching an expired box of mac and cheese and watching Spiderman and tucking two little boys who thankfully love their "antie" into bed. Thinking I was going to sleep over, I found out quickly their daughter was fine and they were on their way home...so stayed on the couch watching tv. Thanks were given with a McDonalds sundae and a mcChicken and I went home to bed.

I DID IT!!!!!

2009-04-04T19:37:00.000-07:00

Ok, so after much prayer and fasting from many individuals and families; the grace of God has smiled upon me and I feel so privileged especially now, to tell you.....I GOT A JOB!!! and not just any job, but my dream job!!!
By this I don't mean that I have been dreaming of this exact job but it is a dream because I never even thought of it but its better than what I expected to ever be doing with my life.
So I am now officially the Director of Marketing for the Arbinger Institute.
I have less than 10days left in Hawaii.
I am moving to Bountiful, UT. And while it was not what I had planned...let's be honest...when have my plans ever come to be what I think they will when I first start.
So needless to say, I'm stoked! So the countdown begins....

And my goodbyes are starting. But no tears this time, because it feels right and I am already planning my trip back for the re dedication of the temple here in Laie next June. So no worries!
Just another packing party and new place to lay my head. Nothing I can't handle...such is life according to me.

Taking control

2009-03-26T18:54:00.000-07:00

Last night I deleted several phone numbers.
I didn't block them...but I just have realized that if I have numbers in
my phone it is easy for me to get frustrated with those people.
So.....gone!
I think for a while I will not keep numbers in my phone...I will accept calls, but I'm not making them anymore.
Its just better that way right now.

just a poem

2009-03-25T21:53:00.000-07:00

What do you do when you're empty?
Do you try to pour nothing into a glass
and look at it, trying to make sense of the nothingness?
or do you strive to fill up again,
this time with something different, some fool-proof formula
that won't disappear like the last time.
But can you be sure the formula will work?
Because maybe it's not the liquid but the vessel?
But replacing the vessel is harder and
so you hope its the liquid.
And only time will tell.

~sarah

What if...?

2009-03-20T20:31:00.000-07:00

So last night my Relief Society celebrated the birthday of the Relief Society organization. This is the only time during the year that we are reminded about each of the past Relief Society General presidents, and our worth as the oldest, largest, and most influential, Women's organization.

As any organization does, we started the night reading our mission statement or declaration:

We are beloved spirit daughters of God, and our lives have meaning, purpose, and direction. As a worldwide sisterhood, we are united in our devotion to Jesus Christ, our Savior and Exemplar. We are women of faith, virtue, vision, and charity who:

Increase our testimonies of Jesus Christ through prayer and scripture study.
Seek spiritual strength by following the promptings of the Holy Ghost.
Dedicate ourselves to strengthening marriages, families, and homes.
Find nobility in motherhood and joy in womanhood.
Delight in service and good works.
Love life and learning.
Stand for truth and righteousness.
Sustain the priesthood as the authority of God on earth.
Rejoice in the blessings of the temple, understand our divine destiny, and strive for exaltation.

It was in that moment as I stood with women from all over the world, in that tiny birthday party that I thought, What if every woman believed these things and lived them? What effect would we as women have in our communities and homes and in the world?
And how would men treat us differently both in and out of the church, if we really did these things? I know I am guilty of not seeking all of these things and I just thought it was such a great reminder.

Women, we are of a divine birthright and we ought to live up to it. I believe that we have turned our backs casually to this declaration and its time that we turn our hearts again to the belief that we are truly daughters of God, and that means something so much more than we can understand. We must demand respect for each other and from the men in our lives by living worthily of that respect. We cheapen ourselves when we live a lower standard. We must have joy in womanhood and respect for the priesthood and together if we are standing for righteousness think the difference we could have with the world.

As the world turns....

2009-03-18T18:08:00.000-07:00

Well, a quick update!
I am leaving the beautiful island life to find something more suitable to my life.
I am headed back to the East Coast. I will be moving to Washington D.C.
I could not be more excited! I figure that if I get this job with Arbinger as their marketing director, I can live where ever I want and I think that DC will be just that place...and if not? Then I ll move again. Such is the life of a Single Sarah. It's great!!
So I leave on the 10th of April with one of my close friends. We're going to fly to Vegas and then drive to Utah. I will see many of my friends and family that I have been missing for years and then I will go home followed by a quick visit to Arizona to see my other best friends and attend a wedding! Life in the fast lane!! Love it! Love it!
More to come as I draw life to a close in Hawaii, such is life according to me.

One too many Frogs and still no princes!

2009-03-14T06:40:00.000-07:00

So I think I need to refocus again. I feel like I'm starting to lose my sense of worth and value. It's not entirely fair to me that I consistently find people who are so insecure with themselves that they are in capable of building others. I do a lot of building but I guess I do a lot of tearing down too. For that I need to repent. I guess the criticism comes with an uncomfortable feeling about being around a person's attitude or behavior, but the problem is that I can't force my own beliefs on everyone else. I have become pretty self righteous as of late and yet have lost some of my morals in the process.

I have been using language that is not becoming, listening to music that does not invite the spirit, and I have been spending time with people who obviously do not know my worth.
I don't really know what to do about it anymore.

Dear boys,
I think that I am pretty much sick of you by now. 25 years has been great but I think its time I look into some older people. The problem is that its not just age....its maturity. I don't want a guy that has made out with more girls than a count of crayons in a crayola box.
I don't want a guy that doesn't know what I need but loves to benefit from the fact that I know what he needs. I want a give and take...not just a take. I want someone that values my mind more than my chest. And I want someone that knows how to magnify their priesthood after being home for longer than 2 years. But you know what? I'm starting to wonder if that's even possible.
Where is the man who doesn't use profanity and vulgar humor in front of ladies?
I feel so sick to my stomach with anger and frustration with myself, because some where along the way I forgot my worth and obviously portrayed something less than I deserved.
I'm not trying to be conceited, I'm trying to adjust to the reality that most men in my life have never been good enough, smart enough, spiritual enough, and sweet enough. And someday God will bring down this amazing man. But for now...I have to deal with the frogs!

Linger a little longer...

2009-03-13T17:38:00.000-07:00

So these last couple weeks have been fantastic. I have been having a lot of fun here in Hawaii and I have been trying to do things the right way. I have started working more on the book but the images are really difficult to come up with in the Pouring rain. So I've been trying to do the best I can and make appointments but even today I had another rained out shoot.

But I still feel good about the book.

I have also learned that lingering can bring a lot of drama to ones life.

Linger Lesson #1.

Once I linger on something small all of a sudden more things keep piling up.

For example, there was this cute guy that I could see needed some help. So I helped him out a little bit. It was only supposed to be for a couple minutes but because I lingered for a minute, it ended up being several hours. Then his boss, impressed with my quality of work decided I should introduce the top speakers. I had just enough time to run home, shave my legs throw on that cute black dress and heels curl my hair and be ready to present one of the top women teachers of professional protocal.

When I got there I had 5 minutes to look over my packet which quickly turned to 2 when his boss demanded that I type something that would only take 3 min. to type. (She didn't mention the fact that it would have only taken a minute to type if it hadn't been for her chicken scratch handwriting I kept having to decipher.)

Linger lesson #2.

When giving a massage to someone that you potentially have feelings for, if you want to keep a clear head it is better to stop abruptly and move than let your hands or their hands linger on you. If you don't want to keep a clear head however, sitting in silence very close, does wonders for the imagination.

Linger Lesson #3.

If you don't want to tell a secret to someone or you don't want to them to know something don't linger on the subject or even close to it because eventually they will find out and your loyalty to the other person is no longer valid.

Linger Lesson #4.

Lingering after a gathering can do one of two things, either make you look sincerely desparate for attention and make you look lonely, or it can inspire lasting relationships. Both are pretty dangerous territory if you ask me and neither are all that flattering so better to not be the last one at a party unless you threw it.

Linger Lesson #5.

Less recently I learned that lingering at a doorway when neither of you are expecting to kiss is definitely awkward. If your friends, even walking them directly to their door just adds to the awkwardness as you stay to watch them fiddle with their keys. So its better if your not looking for a smooch...to just let her walk up the stoop and to the door herself. It will cause a lot less awkward feelings for both of you and if you do want something from them, ask.

All of these lessons may different for everyone, but for me they have become concrete laws to live by. I have seen the fruits of lingering and its normally not good...it is better to have drive and stamina when making decisions. Lingering just clouds judgement and leads to analyzation.

The book for starters....

2009-02-20T12:43:00.000-08:00

So after having every last thing ripped from my clutches, I humbled myself ...well I guess unfortunately in this instance I was compelled to be humble.

I woke up to several images and I realized that they were pages of my book.

I read my scriptures that morning and found this passage. It said, "I say unto you that my servant must repent of his pride, and of his selfishness, and obey the former commandment which I have given him concerning the place upon which he lives." I knew in that moment that I had to go back to the original commandment that kept me in Hawaii. My book.

I had turned my back on it out of a paralyzing fear that came from people I love not knowing if I could handle such a project. Hurt and scared, I turned my focus to recieving a job and purposely put off working on the book. But now I felt inspired and confident again. So it begins.

I called a couple trusted people in my life to see if any of them sounded offended or uncomfortable about the ideas and they were just as excited as I was. Then I started getting my subjects. People were so willing to do it and were happy that I was staying. I know that its right.

I think the best things that I can say about this experience is the Lord magnifies us when we have faith and follow Him, but fear is like they say, truly the opposite of faith. And it paralyzes greatness from occuring. I know that I'm doing now, what I should have been doing all along. And part of life is learning life lessons. This is one I hope I will never forget.

Life is hardly what I expected....

2009-02-18T19:17:00.001-08:00

You know....

everyone has such catchy phrases about life...

"Life's like a box of chocolates...." forest gump

"Expect nothing, live frugally on surprise." Alice Walker

"Let us so live that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry." Mark Twain

My personal favorite is "Live,Love,Laugh." (My grandmother had a pendant with that written on it I found out after I adopted the phrase in my early stage of young adulthood.)

Unfortunately I am here to tell you they are all true and pertinent to survival. I have learned that life is rarely what we expect and its so much harder to go through it pushing and kicking and so much easier to roll with the punches.

Every decision that I have made in the last 2 months with as much information and inspiration as humanly possible, has been completely ripped from underneathe me. But as I figured out today, "my ways are not God's ways and my thoughts not His thoughts." While people may find it foolish of me to "blame" God for my mistakes, I do not. I don't look at it as blame however but a leap of faith that someone greater than I is running this circus.

For now, I am styaing in Hawaii. I was scheduled to leave today but a little stupidity and destiny mixed together to leave me stranded on the island for another couple weeks. Maybe there is more that I need to do here. Perhaps that woman at Zales needs a friend, perhaps my book needs to start, perhaps one of the few business offers needs to take place, or perhaps I just wasn't supposed to be on that flight. Who knows? Only the Heavens. Atleast there is one person that knows how this roller coaster ends. And mine has had many less drops than the people I love. So I am grateful for the trials of faith that push us over the edge. Such is life...According to me.

2009-02-18T19:08:00.000-08:00

Packing is a forte of mine.

2009-02-10T11:23:00.000-08:00

Packing is great...its the unpacking that isn't so much fun. I have become the ultimate pro at packing because I have moved a lot.

"I know the economy is bad..." that is what the landlord of the last place said to my friend when she nicely kicked me out. I felt like a dirty old homeless bum. It was really hilarious!

I am so grateful for the kindness of friends. Nikki put me up for almost a month and Jane took over with about 2.5 weeks. Now I am staying in married housing with a lovely Indian couple and their baby. And on Wed. I move in with my Bishop's family. His wife insisted that I come have a sleepover. :)

So the Lord has blessed me with wonderful people in my time of need. Then I will go home to a family that loves me and that will let me stay free of charge or guilt. Hopefully soon I will find a job wether it be in NY or CT or somewhere else in the world, I'm not so sure yet. But I'm happy to have options that are so pleasant and people that love me and won't let me sleep on the rainy beaches of the wintery Hawaii.

life in the fast lane again!

2009-02-04T20:22:00.000-08:00

I love being busy!!! It makes me so happy. I love coming home tired. I love working hard and enjoying it. Now I know many may think that my current position is not a difficult task but there are some interesting moments of struggle.
For example my first day, I had to teach kids how to play football. It was hard to find proper tutorials on Youtube. But hey, I learned how to hold the ball properly. The second day, it was hard to keep the teacher happy since she couldn't bargain down the prices at the PCC. She was so angry about that. And I froze at night because one of my girls got sick and needed my coat. But, I did get hit on by atleast one guy per show. And then today we got lost for a second in Waikiki and it was hard not buying everything around me because I have no money, but I did get a picture with King Kamehameha and learned why he's so important. So its been great so far. My kids are adorable and take a lot of pictures me. Yes if you want an ego boost hang out with my kids. They are so nice. Today I got a lei from one of the girls and she kept offering to buy me chocolate...of course I declined. So life is good but my chapter of Hawaii is coming to close and while it saddens me greatly its kind of exciting to always have an adventure to look forward to.

Looking up....

2009-01-26T16:16:00.000-08:00

So today I started my day telling myself I was going to be happy.

Not too soon after changing my Facebook status to just that, I have a discouraging conversation with someone who loves me but doesn't really understand me.

The tears were not push-able, they ran down my face first in drops and then in streams. I abruptly ended the conversation and let it all out in the shower. Crying... no, sobbing... no, bawling. I bawled in the shower and even after the shower sitting upstairs the tears kept coming and a quick"What am I doing God" got thrown up.

Then I heard the phone wrang.

Nikki answered it and said it was for me, weird cuz I didn't know the number well enough to ever give it out. But I went down stairs to find out my first blessing.

Joseph Smith was literally in the depths of despair when all of a sudden he saw a light. I felt the very same thing. This guy that I had met at a barbeque was calling to see if I could take a job as an English Teacher for a week. 15 dollars an hour and 3 hours a day.

Then as if that wasn't enough. After I prayed in gratitude for that tender mercy, I get online and the very guy that I want to hire me is online and he tells me that we might be able to meet this weekend when he gets back from Colorado! And that means that I may have this job even sooner than I had anticipated. And if not, I'll be able to go home and try there. I again am sooooo grateful. I can't explain it, but I know that I am supposed to be here.

Everytime I start doubting me being here the Lord throws one more tender mercy my way. So no more depressing blogs...promise. From here on out...

Happy stuff and my couch hopping adventures.

Here's to a happy life according to me.

A New Dawn...A New Day.

2009-01-25T23:23:00.001-08:00

Well tomorrow will be a new day. I decided that it's time to go be a burden to someone else. So thanks to the Mozo's for enduring my stay of 2.5 weeks well. It has been fun taking the kids to school and picking them up and making salads and hanging out. You truly are my family in Hawaii and I love you all for that. Thanks for being so patient with me and letting me adopt your couch as my bedroom.

Jane (my other family in HI, my baby from our mission...I trained her) She has said that I can crash at her place for a little while. So as much as I don't love Laie, I am going to be there for a little bit.

Hopefully tomorrow I will find a job. Probably a waitressing job at Crouching Lion...hopefully.

And then I will have money again...and the search for housing will continue. I think that I will just couch hop every couple weeks until I can have the money to get a good place. And then my couch will be available to anyone and everyone that is need...like I was.

Thats the update.

still waiting....

2009-01-18T00:37:00.000-08:00

I'm still trying to find a job. I know it's only been like 2 weeks...and I did find this great opportunity. I found this photographer on Craigs List and he was interviewing for an assistant. I thought this would be a perfect position for me because I am the ultimate side kick but when I started interviewing for the position he thought that I would be perfect for a different job for him. He is looking to expand his business to include a special kind of wedding coordinating. He thought I would be perfect for that job. The only thing is, that I have to wait a month until the expansion happens. So I am stuck with a major risk, Continuing to search for a part time position until hopefully I get this job in a month. Once I figure out if I have the job I will start looking for housing and then after all that...I will get a path laid down. Until then I am still waiting for some miracles. I am fasting this weekend to make sure I get this path thing under control and to ask for forgiveness of my imperfections. I decided that this is a good thing and that the Lord has something in store for me...its just now the waiting that I have to endure well. Ahhh such is life according to me.

Twighlight or God's Light

2009-01-11T15:58:00.000-08:00

Last night I was feeling very vulnerable. (I am reading Twighlight...well now New Moon, and I enjoy the fact that emotions that I have always had are explained so eloquently. I however, am not as eloquent but hope that the power of what I say now seeps through the words into your heart.) I told Justin that I wished I was as brave as him and could run away for a little bit. Go for a long walk and just gain some fresh perspective and release the flow of tears that had settled at the top of my throat. But instead I sought escape in some other way. Cleaning Nikki's house and running her errands were one, but reading a hundred pages in New Moon was another. But then when I put the book down the dizziness of reality would immediately set in. It was then that Nikki and I agreed that a trip to watch Twighlight the movie was in order. (I had never seen it.)

I pushed back some escapee tears and decided it was a good plan. (Not having any money didn't make it any easier when Nikki paid for my ticket.) And then the film was intense and gratified every bit of the emotions I went through as I read it. But coming home meant that I had to face another day. Then I did something that I hadn't done in a couple days.

I read my scriptures. As I read a section, the words bathed my whole being with peace and acknowledgment from on high. I knew I was not hidden from God's eyes or thoughts, and that everything I needed emotionally, physically, and financially was verified and almost promised in those 30 some odd verses. I wept. I know that this would be an obvious conclusion for many, but for me, I learned that it didn't matter how hard the idea of escaping pressed in my mind, that reality and the Spirit's whisperings and envelopings were much more delicious in the end.

Goodbye 2008!!!!!

2008-12-31T09:16:00.001-08:00

I thought it would be fun to take a trip down memory lane....with some pics of course.

This is a farewell to my 24th year of life. 2008!

Well farewell to good and bad and ugly. All of which I experienced.

First the good. (cuz maybe I'll forget about all the depressing stuff...)

Ok, well....

I started last year with my dear friend Camille.

It was so fun catching up and hanging out until the wee hours of the new year.

In January I had the opportunity of a life time. Justin Whitmer did a memorable ballet recital because of a silly prank via facebook. Our lives will never be the same.

I was also able to be apart of a great friendship which taught me a lot of things and loved me inside and out. We did everything from going out to dinners, to beaches, to singing with homeless men in Waikiki, to having tickle fights and snuggling together. Those were great times.

I was also able to become even better friends with the whole Mozo family. This is one of my favorite times at Lola's. I love these kids!

Things go blurry for a while and then Brandt came. He's a missionary I had served with and was working at the PCC doing an internship. So we got to hang out a little in the beginning and that was really fun. We found out that we have a lot in common and so we had a good time. This is when we decided to go watch Indiana Jones and Brandt spilled his soda all over himself and the chair infront of him. Classic. Though it may look like it...this is not a double date. Don't worry...it never got to that.

Then there was the attractive doctor. Um...I'll be honest. I would still love to sink my teeth into this guy. He was so sweet and intelligent and had no idea I was madly in love with him. Ryan Anderson and I decided we had to go Bonzai an amazing sushi place on the North Shore and he surprised me by bringing this drop dead gorgeous guy. Of course I had all my guy friends with me so it was slightly awkward. Mark was pulled into the backseat so Ryan MD...(the doctor) could sit in front with me. Unfortunately I later found out this guy was majorly taken.... of course. Well the night was fun anyway, and I was really grateful to the guys who tried. "isn't he tasty?" quote from Chailoh.

Another great part of 2008 is when I decided to go to Maui. Now this was the best decision I had made in a long time. I loved this trip and I deserved it. I had done school for the whole time no breaks and so when I got a stimulus check from the State of Hawaii I put it towards a trip to Maui. It was so nice to have no stress and to hang out with my friend Daniel from work. So over all it was a highlight. I blogged about the whole trip.

This is my favorite local drink. A lava flow. I got one everywhere I went.

Then a lot of my best memories are with my family away from home. The Mozo's and everyone that comes with that. Everything from watching plays, Laie days, and beach partay's! We do it all! Watching movies and gabbing or blogging and laughing and eating ice cream mostly. I love them so much and spent large amounts of time with them. 2008 would have been just plain boring with out them.

I know this isn't everybody, but these are some great shots and memories.

Well then there was moving into a new house of local girls. That was so great too. And Ashley and I went to the Jason Mraz concert!!!! Definitely another highlight! He is soooo good!!!

Being among other BYUH Idols also another highlight. I looked and sounded great!

Um....my birthday! Turning 25 was fun and included a striptease....ok now we're members of the church so it didn't go too far don't worry...but the highlight of that event was having ice-cream cake sucked off my neck. AWKWARD!!!

Then onto Israel! Ok so who can say that in their 25th year of living that they went to Israel and picked Palestinians' olives! I can! I had so many fun times with amazing people. This experience taught me about so much including what I need to do to help people.

Then my family came and visited me in Hawaii. SO FUN!

and then I came home to a lovely Christmas with an adorable boy. Not for me of course. But Suz lucked out. Bremen Leak is a great guy, a real winner. And they are super cute! So that was fun and tonight will be another highlight! My girly New Years Bash! Look for pics later! This is my 2008 highlight! Signing off til the Next Year! This is my life according to me!

Ps....

2008-12-23T14:37:00.000-08:00

Oh yeah so I thought I would fill you in....I graduated and it was a glorious occasion. My two families were represented and it felt so good to be there. Elder Eyring was able to encourage many good things in our future and reminded us to keep studying and working hard. I am home now for Christmas and then back to Hawaii! This trip to Hawaii is two fold. One to work on my book that I am so excited about. And then the other is for a final time of rest and relaxation which most will attest I deserve. I will be spending time on beaches, working out and eating right.

So it will be fun and much needed. I am looking for something I can do to make money as well but as always I will be busy with other projects that I will be doing.

I am really excited to have a new chapter of my life and am planning to do a lot with it. Right now I am working on an application to an Internship in D.C. So hopefully that will work out.

Anyway here are some pictures of people that mean a lot.

Empty Promises...

2008-12-22T18:59:00.000-08:00

So I think the root of all evil in my life is that of promises or statements that don't come true or happen.

Constantly in my life I have been told things will happen and yet they just don't. After thinking about this more while being home, I realize that there is this part of me that is so stupid because I continue to believe these people and get my hopes up just to be let down incredibly. I am uncertain what thrill I find in the moments of waiting around for the same people, and I am not sure what it is, that makes me emotionally sound after every breaking because I willingly go on and on believing things that just aren't going to happen. And yet....I continue on. Perhaps I will someday learn and stop the vicious cycle I have created.

Closets full of memories

2008-12-17T19:53:00.000-08:00

Coming home is sort of weird. I feel like everything is from the past and there's not a lot of room for the present. Christmas time is full of traditions which is normal, but thats not really what I am talking about. Everything I have at home is old, and I realized my house is just a store house of memories. It's strange sometimes but thats really what it is. And some of the memories are great and some of them are not so great. But maybe that is why coming home can be a burden sometimes is because you remember what you were, and not what you are, and that can be confusing sometimes.

The pictures that are up are all at least 10 years old, the furniture and electricity, and the stockings....I mean in all fairness, its not that my parents don't do anything new. They are very hip. I love my parents, there's new technology, and new landscaping, I don't know I guess I'm good at dwelling on things,that don't really matter.

So I am going to try to make some new memories to come home to next year.

Halloween!!!

2008-11-01T03:29:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I hate Halloween. I mean I hate figuring out what to wear, I hate being scared and I hate all the haunted things that go on..and the excuse for college students to be dressed like they don't have any standards or morals.
But, this Halloween was really fun. Last night I helped my roommate Ella with her Haunted Hayride only because she was desperate. I really didn't want to do it, I refused to be apart of the scaring so she let me run the fog machine for the grave yard. I was happy to help in that area. It was fun.
Then for Halloween, I decided that our ward should put together a Trunk or Treat in the community and give out candy from our trunks to little kids in Laie.
It was really fun and even though we definitely weren't all super creative and resourceful like family wards I think we did great with what we had and the kids loved it. We also had games that were really fun and a craft where they could make little ghosts. I put the people that didn't have cars in charge of that. It was so great. We got a really great response from the community. I was soo glad. I dressed up as a black bug but while everyone loved my wings, no one knew what I was. : ) I was called everything from a black fairy, black angel, to a dark tinkerbell and a black butterfly. I think its cuz I didn't have a head piece to help people decipher what I was. ha ha ha it was funny.
After Trunk or Treating we went to Tacobell and that was fun and then we went to a lame dance. But I slow danced with the Tongan, and I danced with TROY BOLTON from High School Musical...well he was dressed like him anyway. : ) So fun! So Halloween wasn't so terrible this time around. And such is life right now...according to me. (pictures later!)

From 0 to 1

2008-10-26T00:08:00.000-07:00

Well, since my new philosophy on dating, I have been asked out by this Tongan guy. This is a picture of us the first day we met at the beginning of spring. He is a really nice guy. He's really involved in the Tongan club, and he's always working hard at school and at the PCC. He's a good guy and on Thursday night he asked me to date him. So I said yes and he was so happy.
So no dates yet, but hopefully this weekend after Te Vaka. He was so cute when he asked me. He was like,"I was thinking about how you're always busy." I told him I'm not always busy just during the week. But the weekends are normally pretty lame. He excitedly said, "oh the weekends? perfect!" So yeah I'll keep you posted. He is really shy so it may take a while. PS I am growing my hair out again! I miss my long hair!

Dating vs. the m word.

2008-10-19T17:04:00.000-07:00

Ok, so I just love my mother. She and I could talk for hours and hours about everything. I'm so glad that we're close...but anyway, she and I talked about something that I never thought about.
I sort of missed out on the dating life in highschool...and now that I am turning 25 and everyone is wondering when I am going to get married, I guess I can recognize the fact that I have looked at every guy I see through the marriage lense.
I totally missed out on the fun dating and went straight to marriage.
And that is a bad idea.
I'm scared to death of being physical with guys because I never really have been. That's not good because then the first guy I kiss or hold hands with and then on the wedding night....0-60 and I might just hide in the closet that night......so, here's to a new perspective.
Dating for fun!
Don't worry about if he's going to last through eternity or the next weekend. Just go out! Have some free meals..and stop worrying about every man in your life having to be one that will march you to the Temple. Have a good time! Don't stress don't stress don't stress!
So instead of prying for Mr. amazing to come into my life....lets just pray that I ll get asked out on some fun dates! And that I'll just have a lot of fun. No strings attached.
So here's to a new life according to me!

I am a lot more insecure than I thought

2008-10-09T02:39:00.000-07:00

you know its interesting....I am the type of person that is confident in many situations, but I lack confidence in very important situations too.
Tonight I was so nervous to present a piece on being out of the box I could hardly stand it. I was so afraid that I would not only suck as a facilitator, but honestly I felt so unpretty in the moment I was embarrassed to even be up there.
If you were to ask me what I wanted tonight, it would have been to do a really great job at the facilitation. But instead the faults of my stick figures were made fun of and then my stories were way too long and I thought sort of boring.
But what did come out of it was that I realized not only am I in a must be seen as so deeply, but I am also in a worse than box with people in my class.
You know its funny because when I first started doing seminars and reading the material, I thought I was a Must Be seen as and I deserve box. But the more I go through my experiences I seem to have some worse than boxes that I never would have seen with out going through this tonight.
Well, then I made a huge mistake and let my Must Be Seen as Box get the better of me. I told myself I was ok with this guy and girl flirting a lot, but really it still tore me up inside. So I decided to go someone that I knew would be an ally. His best friend. Only I didn't just come out and say it.....no I carefully crafted it into a narrative I'm comfortable with about not feeling like I belong.
Well, now I've made a huge mess of things.
All because I must be seen as someone who is worth a man's time and affection. But from now on.....honestly, no more. No more men. I am just going to do what I'm supposed to do and le men worry about me. No crushes, no facebook stalking, no strategically doing things to find that special someone that doesn't know you exist. I have faith that God will bing my someday husband to me. But for now I need to work on getting out fo the box with people that I am definitely treating as objects. But such is life.....according to me.

The Passport Saga

2008-10-08T02:33:00.000-07:00

So never use UPS!!!!
They promised me a package second day air and I didn't get until late 3 days later.
I was soooo angry! I needed to get a passport because guess what?!? I'm going to Israel!!!
I am the only one in my group that doesn't have a passport though. So I have been trying to remedy that.
Mom sent me my birth certificate through UPS. Being told it was 2nd day air I made an appointment through the worst automated system I have ever used and that took me about an hour. Then when the package didn't come I had to cancel the appointment and make a new one. Well that took another hour. Then I was supposed to have the package on Monday because UPS had rescheduled my 2nd day air package. (With out even telling me!!! RUDE!!!) So then UPS was running late and I had an appointment. So I called UPS and told them that I would like to meet with the driver somewhere and get my package because it was already late and I needed it for my appointment. Well the driver refused to meet and so maybe a fourth of the way to Town I turn around and go back to my Ford class disappointed...crying in fact.
So then today I tried again. I worked in the Temple this morning and they needed an 11 o clock follower so I stayed a half hour later than normal. I should have left earlier but I was serving so I didn't. Then I get on the road, and I run into traffic because of tree chopping along side the road. Then I get to the building and there's no where to park in plain sight. So I drive around the building atleast 3 or 4 times until I find a parking garage. Then I finally get parked and walk to the building and I am on the complete wrong side of the building. This was a huge building so now I am walking around the entire length of the building and get stopped by security because the alarm goes off when I walk through the metal detector.
Finally I get to JAD. Jad is a guy that made the whole process worth waiting for. Cute, flirty, and funny, this blond soldier from NJ made my day so much better.
And luckily! I got it all taken care of and now I have a couple days until I get my beloved passport so I can go to ISRAEL!!!!!!

Another day goes by....

2008-09-29T00:26:00.000-07:00

I am so tired. There are lots of things that are creating this feeling of tiredness. I have grown to love naps. I have grown to enjoy the little moments of rest like the zoning out while eating my home made frozen smoothie, or falling asleep on the couch after a long day of work and class and more work in the forms of reading and writing.
I enjoy the days that I have time to work out with my roommates and my body appreciates it too.
I have a lot of creative ideas and have been blessed in that way a lot recently. But I have little time to do everything that I want to do. I have started making daily to do lists so that I can remember to do everything that needs to get done each day. It makes me feel productive to know that I have accomplished a whole page every day of things I have to do.
I keep finding things though that if they don't get written down they don't get done.
Every day I come home amazed that another day has gone by...soon I will graduate.
So theres many more sleepless nights ahead...such is life according to me.

BYUH IDOL!!!!

2008-09-22T01:04:00.000-07:00

Last night was BYUH Idol. It was a lot of fun to be apart of and it always feels so good when I am able to feel supported by others. Nikki was there and she took pictures and video. The kids and Chailoh didn't make it, but thats ok they can come next week. I missed them though.
Ema ended up doing my make up and it was soooo beautiful. She is a professional cosmetician?
Anyway, I looked amazing thanks to her and Forever 21.
I think I did well, but there were a lot of people who are way better at the whole Idol thing than I am. Which is fine. I am not in it to win it....just to have a lot of fun singing.
I wasn't nervous at all, probably because I was sooo tired. I had been driving from 11am to 3pm.
I was shuttling student volunteers back and forth from Kahana Bay to the School. On second to last trips when I was by myself, I fell asleep at the wheel. My foot hit the gas and I started veering towards a pole. Thanks to Heavenly Father, I'm sure, I am still alive and I woke up just in time to get back on the road and get to Kahana Bay where I took a nap for about 15 min. before I had to drive again.
I am so grateful that I live my life in such a way that the Lord protects me. I know that the Idol is minute in the scheme of things and that there is much more important things in my life that I need to do. And I am so glad that the Lord allows me to have so many amazing opportunities to grown and to build character and trust in Him.
I am excited for the next round of Idol! Vote for me!!!!

2008-08-27T21:18:00.000-07:00

So I'll be honest, I was worried about moving , but really its working out!
I am really happy with my roommates and we are having a lot of fun.
We share a love for the gospel, fun, and being good to people.
We work out every night and these girls are just fun.
I do miss reading scriptures with Nikki, and I miss the kids and hearing about their day and who they love and hate. I miss Robin's chats. But I'm happy and doing really well.
But I study the scriptures every morning. Work out at night, and work and do homework and go to class in between. I haven't seen the beach in a while....thats next on the list...hopefully Sat.
On Sunday, we had a speaker that shared a couple great things. One of them was for us to have a grateful journal. I thought that this would be a good thing to blog about. So from now on....I will write about things I'm grateful for as well as my opinions on life.

Today was a great day! I saw so many people that I missed all summer. Its so fun seeing people after not seeing them for a long time. I am glad that school is starting. I love that this is my last semester.
Today was also the information expo and I was sitting at my desk when it dawned on me to bring my season pass booklets around to the vendors. So I did and I got 400 dollars for advertising! Woo hoo! I was so excited, my plan worked! Also I got a free thing of contact solution which I was needing to buy anyway. So that worked out. Glad I paid my tithing!
I also was able to talk to my mom and my brother and try to help them with various things. So it was a great day!